Reasons for not reforming (expanding) the United Nations Security Council

The U.N. Security Council has 5 permanent members--essentially the victors of World War II: U.S., U.K., France, Russia and China. The geopolitical and economic landscape has changed dramatically since the end of WWII, and there are good reasons to reform (i.e., expansion) the U.N. Security Council. There are a number of proposals on the table, one of which is to expand the current five permanent seats to nine. These "G4" countries are Brazil, Germany, India and Japan.

Here are good reasons not to admit these four countries as permanent members of the U.N. Security Council ;-)


Brazil

Oi! Como vai? We are Brazil, the famous Portugese-speaking country located in the Spanish-infested speaking pool called South America. As you know, we have the #1 football (known to the stupid Americans as soccer) team in the world. We have a very good economy (sometimes subject to hyperinflation) right now, one of the fastest growing in the world! We also have a very large population, over 191 million as of last count, out of which only 60 million live below the poverty line!!!

You may also have heard of our great nation through the movie City of God, which was nominated for 4 Oscars. Let me be honest with you: the poverty, violence, drug addiction, and police corruption depicted in the movie are totally false. This was a fiction after all, and we don't trust the Americans to tell us which of our movies are good anyway.

Instead, let me tell you why Brazil will become the next superpower that will once and for all end American hegemony in the Western Hemisphere! Our secret weapon is a little plant called sugar cane. Already, unlike the greedy Americans, we are self-sufficient for all of our energy needs thanks to this green weapon (it is not true as widely reported in the media that the great rainforests of the Amazon are being cut down to make room for more agriculture). That's why we don't pay $5/gallon like the gringos and our economy is free to grow exponentially (subject to the occasional exponential inflation).

So as you can see, we are becoming a very powerful nation, better than all those stupid Spaniard nations next door. We will without doubt eventually even surpass the evil and greedy Americans! This is why we respectfully ask the U.N. Security Council to admit the great nation of Brazil as a permanent member.

Tchau!

P.S. We also have the hottest girls in the world who love to wear the Brazilian football t-shirts (often wet).

Signed:

President of Brazil (not a military dictator)
Brazil's Football team (#1 in the world)


Germany

Guten Tag!!! We are the great nation of Germany located in the heart of Europe. Did you know that our blond-haired nation has the #3 economy in the world? Das ist gut! Ja! I know that you may not find that believable because our beautiful nation was almost destroyed during World War II. So it is quite amazing that from the ruble we have once again become one of the most powerful nations in the world!

But let me remind you, we no longer have aspirations to dominate the world and completely exterminate the Jews, Slavs, and other undesirable peoples. That was committed by the people known as "the Nazis" and very few Germans supported the Fuhrer evil Hitler. It is very fortunate that the Nazis no longer exist. Today Germany is all about peace. We love peace today just as much as the Nazis loved war. We are also very green because all of us believe that global warming is only human-induced (we love Al Gore) and will kill the planet and so we are the #1 nation using solar energy. Solar energy in the beautiful yet quite cloudy Germany, you may ask? How did we do it? We have the #1 engineers in the world (just a little better than our best friend Japan). We can build the biggest and best weapons machines and cars very fast, unlike anyone else--all precisely made to the correct specifications! Ja!

So, it is true that we started World War I and World War II, but those horrible things were not committed by true Germans. Today true Germans are all about green energy and peace (we also like to produce lots of bukkake videos like our friend Japan) and we will never start World War III. As proof, did you know that we have 2 million Turks (some of whom have been allowed to become German citizens, subject to tracing their bloodline to true Germans) in Germany and only 91.5% of our population is truly German? They are all ugly and undisciplined and bad engineers great people and Germany hates welcomes all non-German immigrants.

Das ist gut, ja!!!

Please accept the great and peaceful country of Germany's admittance to the U.N. Security Council.

P.S. One more proof we will not start WWIII: look at the friendly and peaceful eagle on our flag!

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APPLICATION FOR GERMANY'S ADDMITANCE TO THE U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL
COMPLETED ON 2008/07/06 17:59:48 BERLIN TIME


India

Hello, we are the great nation of India! We need not to introduce ourselves. We are known around the world for having the #2 population in the world (after the despicable country of China), one of the fastest growing economies, Gandhi and peace, spicy cooking, and skilled engineers who work in technical support for Dell Computer Corporation and many other great American companies.

Let us first talk about the primary reason why India should be on the U.N. Security Council. Our country is all about peace. Did you know that India has 23 official languages and over 100 million Muslims? That speaks to our acceptance of diverse people. What about the caste system then, you may ask? The frequently mentioned article depicting the modern-day slavery of 160 million Untouchables is not true. First of all, we cannot speak of this issue personally as the authors of this application are all from the Brahmin caste and we are not allowed to touch Untouchables, but we have been assured that the filthy and disgusting "people" performing the work of sewer, garbage, and laundry cleaners receive over $.05/day. Secondly, these stories are told from their side. If we were born into such as a miserable caste, we'd be liars too. But no worry, they'll have a better chance in their next life, provided that they are subservient to us and they perform their duties as told. Perhaps some of them will be lucky enough to become a blessed cow.

Also, we have nuclear weapons which we shall never use (except on Pakistan) because we are all about peace. How can a country with millions of malnourished people afford to have nuclear weapons? The solution is spectacularly simple: the top two, maybe three castes have very smart people (and not all work in technical support for great American corporations).

India is a great nation and deserves to be a permament member of the U.N. Security Council.

Peace,

Signed

The Esteemed and almost divine Brahmin Members of the Indian Parliament


Japan

KONICHIWA!!! HAI, we bow to you, the great United Nations Security Council. We represent the humble yet very rich nation of Japan. We ask you respectfully to admit the humble nation of Japan to the great U.N. Security Council. We bow to you.

Unlike China, Japan is a very small country with lots of people and very few natural resources. Yet, we have persevered through atomic bombs (reminder: when America self-destructs in the next century, we must drop two Class Kamikaze hydrogen bombs on New York City and Los Angeles) to become the #2 richest nation in the world. How did we do so? We are the #1 engineers in the world. Unlike Germany (who we very much support for membership also) who has the #2 engineers in the world, we build very small things. We are very good at that because as we've mentioned we are a small country with lots of people. Of course, it is true that we are the smartest most humble Asians in the world (especially compared to the dirty Chinese and the dark-looking Philipinnos, Vietnamese, Cambodians, and Indonesians), but and the great nation of Japan no longer believes that Japan was destined to rule and enslave the world as foretold by our glorious poisoned (became mentally unstable) by the Americans former Emperor of Japan. It is not true that the Japanese people supported World War II and the Japanese Army created slave sex camps. As we mentioned, the Emperor of Japan became mentally sick.

Today, the great people of Japan are all about building tiny cameras and cell phones, engineering the best cars and earthquake-proof buildings, designing the coolest video games, having the most gruesome and violent beautiful cartoons called anime, and fantasizing over American Hollywood stars, such as the cute little Dakota Fanning enjoying American films.

We bow to you. Please accept the great and peaceful country of Japan's admittance to the U.N. Security Council. We bow to you, HAI!

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APPLICATION FOR THE EMPIRE OF JAPAN's ADMITTANCE TO THE U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL
DIGITALLY STORED IN A TINY NIKON CAMERA (TO BE DUPLICATED ON A TINY CANON DIGITAL CAMERA)